


To Those Who Wait

by exbex, prudence_dearly



Category: due South
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-05
Updated: 2010-09-05
Packaged: 2017-10-11 11:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exbex/pseuds/exbex, https://archiveofourown.org/users/prudence_dearly/pseuds/prudence_dearly





	To Those Who Wait

She smells like baby powder and brand new human being

 

Ray found Kowalski pacing up and down the hospital corridor, allowed himself one moment of relief, then walked up to him and put his hands on his shoulders.

 

"Kowalski, what happened?" The scenarios, none of them good, cycled through his mind. His mom was sick, or maybe his dad was hurt.

 

The look on Kowalski's face did nothing to return Ray's heart rate to normal. He looked dazed and frightened. "Hey, hey, Kowalski," he moved in closer, rubbing a hand down Kowalski's arm. The guy looked as if he might freak out and run at any second. "Tell me. Tell me what's going on."

 

Kowalski swallowed, hard, then seemed to calm slightly. He looked at Ray with something of dread on his face, then took a deep breath.

 

"When I was undercover last year, you know…" he trailed off.

 

Ray knew, but was bewildered as to why it was coming back to haunt them now. Kowalski's undercover gig had been long and precarious, involving, among other things, getting involved with one of the criminals he was trying to bring down. It was one of the numerous grand ironies in their past that had, for reasons that didn't need exploring at this juncture, brought them together. But that was ancient history. Ray wondered why it would be affecting them now.

 

"What's going on?" he asked Kowalski.

 

"She's dead." The dazed look had returned to Kowalski's face. "Eclampsia. She had a cer, cerbal… A brain hemorrhage."

 

It was Ray's turn to feel dazed. Eclampsia was something that happened to pregnant women, he knew that much. They wouldn't have called Kowalski in unless…

 

"I'm sorry Vecchio," Kowalski broke into his shock. With an effort, Ray got a hold of himself. He took Kowalski's hand. "It's okay. We'll get through this."

 

Days later, Kowalski walked out of the Social Services office, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, head down, spiky blond hair seeming almost incongruous to his mood. Ray stood up at Kowalski emerged, and their eyes met.

 

"She's mine," Kowalski said simply, his blue eyes intense. "The tests are ninety-nine point something percent positive." He looked at Ray, seeming both frightened and fierce. "I'm keeping her."

 

Ray nodded. "I know. I mean, I figured."

 

Kowalski fixed him with a look. "You're okay with this?"

 

"Do you even have to ask?"

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

Ray took his hand. "I'm in."

 

A mass of paperwork from Social Services, several trips into the Vecchio attic and to the baby store, some crib assembling and some vacation time wrangling later, Kowalski was staring into blue eyes that matched his own. Ray stood beside him, his arm around him, hand gently squeezing his shoulder.

 

"She's beautiful, Kowalski."

 

Kowalski grinned. "Yeah, yeah she is, isn't she?" He bent his head and breathed in deeply. "She's got that new-baby smell. Smell that." He proffered the baby and Vecchio pulled back.

 

"Don't make me sniff the baby."

 

"Go ahead, she's clean, I changed her diaper before we left Social Services."

 

Vecchio leaned in skeptically, and took a hesitant breath. He'd become an uncle several times over, but had never actually sniffed a baby before.

 

"Huh," he said. "She smells like baby powder." He ran a finger over her chubby baby cheek. "And brand new human being."

 

Kowalski grinned. "There's nothing like that smell." His smile faded slowly as he gazed down at his daughter. He swallowed hard. "I don't think…"

 

Ray was preparing a mental list of Reasons Why Kowalski Will Make a Great Father, but Kowalski finished his sentence and Ray relaxed.

 

"I don't think I wanna put her down."

 

"Well, she's going to have to sleep and be bathed and eventually she'll start walking…"

 

Kowalski rolled his eyes. "Har har, Vecchio."

 

Ray looked from one Kowalski to the other. "You don't have to put her down right now," he said.

 

*

 

After you, not me

 

"I've got it, Vecchio." Ray was holding the baby and feeding her as Kowalski walked into the kitchen. He smelled good, like mint toothpaste and shaving cream and citrusy shampoo.

 

"What's that Kowalski?"

 

"Her name. I've got it."

 

Ray let his head fall against the back of the sofa with relief. Kowalski had agonized over it for several days, after the insanity of paternity testing and social services was over. Ray had kept his mouth shut; it was important for Kowalski to choose, he thought, without interference. Now, he said, "Finally! Well? What is it?"

 

Kowalski shoved his hands in his back pockets. "Sara. I'm naming her Sara. Sara Rae Kowalski. Rae with an e on the end, y'know?"

 

Ray was nodding. "It's perfect."

 

Kowalski came and perched beside him on the arm of the sofa. Without looking Ray in the eye, he added shyly, "I, uh, her middle name – y'know, I named her after you, not me."

 

I cannot believe he can make me choke up, Ray thought. He ducked his head and cleared his throat. "Thanks, Kowalski." He closed his eyes for a moment, then decided that Kowalski deserved a lot more than that. Rising carefully from the sofa, he put Sara down in her bassinet, then stood up and pulled Kowalski close, breathing him in, kissing him, tasting him, running his hands up and down his back. It wasn't often that he got mushy with Kowalski, but occasionally he just threw caution to the wind. "I don't deserve you," he whispered into his ear.

 

"Yeah, I know," Kowalski whispered back.

 

Ray knew that he had this sarcastic, shit-eating grin on his face, but he couldn't help grinning also. "You're such a…"

 

"Little ears, Vecchio."

 

"She's not even three months old, Kowalski."

 

"Yeah, but it's subcutaneous."

 

"I think you mean subversive, but I don't think that means what you think it means."

 

"Whatever, kiss me already."

 

*

 

Who gave them all these horses they ride upon?

 

Ray woke up to the sound of Fraser singing. The words drifted faintly down the darkened corridor to the bedroom. Something about horses and angels, Ray thought muzzily, more than half asleep.

 

He blinked up at the ceiling in confusion, hearing that familiar voice singing gentle. Then he remembered: they had picked up Fraser from the airport yesterday. It hadn't been long between Fraser receiving the first photos of Sara and a letter informing them that he had the opportunity to use some leave time, and he would love to spend some time in the city again. Yeah right, the city. Ray grinned to himself. Fraser was just as much a sap as he was.

 

Ray slid out from underneath Kowalski's arm and walked quietly to the nursery. He stopped at the doorway and looked in. Fraser was standing by the bassinet with his back to Ray, Sarah is his arms. She was looking up at Fraser, smiling and cooing. Fraser had stopped singing and was talking to her softly. Ray stood just back from the doorway, eavesdropping shamelessly.

 

"You are a very lucky girl, Sara," Fraser was saying. Ray strained to hear him speaking so softly, as if he was speaking a lullaby. "You have a wonderful father. He's waited for you for a very long time. Your step-father is a good man as well." Fraser paused for a moment and his voice became more earnest. "They are the two best men I've ever known. Your step-father has a way of hiding how he feels, as I'm sure you'll discover, but you see, you'll soon be able to read him very well." Sara blew a bubble, and Fraser said earnestly, "Yes, I know it's late. You're the one who woke me up, if you recall." He shifted her in his arms, and stepped closer to the window, looking down through the slightly-parted curtains at the pre-dawn street below.

 

"He would do anything for you and your father," Fraser was saying. As he spoke, he rocked her gently, his body swaying. "He would do anything for the people he loves. Both of your fathers would, Sara. And I assure you that your Uncle Benton will do the same for all three of you."

 

Ray turned around and took a few quick, silent steps down the hallway, into the safety of the darkness. He felt a tightness in his chest. He crossed his arms and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing deeply, trying not to let the tears fall. He had decided long ago that good was not something that came to him. This was a long time coming.

He pulled himself together, opened his eyes and walked back to the nursery. Fraser heard him coming this time, and looked over at him from the window, where the light was just turning black to grey.

 

"Hey, Benny. She wake you up?"

 

"Good morning, Ray," Fraser smiled that smile that always made Ray smile back. "It would seem that Sara's a morning person, too. We were just discussing family matters."

 

Sara burbled vaguely in her uncle's arms, and waved her hands at Ray.

 

"That's a good look on you, Benny."

 

Fraser looked puzzled for a moment, then glanced back down at Sara. "Ah, I see. Well, only because she's so beautiful."

 

"Yeah, good thing Kowalski's her bio-dad."

 

Fraser looked at Ray intently, a slow smile starting in the corner of his mouth. "He's a lucky man."

 

"I'm the lucky one," Ray took Sara into his arms. "You know Fraser…" he hesitated.

 

"What is it, Ray?"

 

Ray tilted his head at his golden haired baby, gazing at her. "I never figured I'd have a family of my own, after getting divorced, and coming out, and everything. I wasn't even sure I actually wanted a kid, and I'm still not sure I deserve it, but you… if there's anyone in this hemisphere who deserves to be happy, it's you." Ray cleared his throat. Last thing he wanted was to get all mushy and make Benny uncomfortable.

 

Fraser just gave him a reassuring smile. "Thank you Ray."

 

They moved into the kitchen so that Ray could warm a bottle for Sara. He cradled her in his arms and fed her. He smiled as he looked down at her. Weird how the closer he got to her, the easier it was to say things out loud – the mushy stuff didn't seem so mushy. It seemed more… like it needed to be said. "You know, Fraser, we're going to have to find you a woman… or a man, whichever, and make sure you get yourself a whole brood of Mounties in training. Capito?"

 

Fraser grinned. "Understood, Ray."

 

*

 

Sweet Sixteen

 

Kowalski sighed and tossed his newspaper down as the doorbell rang. He ran a hand over his eyes, then stood up. He looked over at Ray. "My hair gets more grey in it every time that door rings for her."

 

Ray grinned at him, his green eyes glinting. "It looks good on you." He looked over Kowalski's outfit. Kowalski had recently taken to wearing short-sleeved, polyester button-up shirts over his t-shirts. All of their years together, and Ray still hadn't managed to influence his wardrobe choices. He grinned. "At least something does."

 

"Har har Vecchio," he said, going to the door. "When I want your fashion advice, I'll ask for it."

 

"Sure, after sixteen years you'll finally take my advice."

 

"Hey, good things come to those who wait, right?" Kowalski said over his shoulder as he opened the door. The young man who entered with a corsage looked decidedly nervous, likely due to the fact that Ray's Bookman glare had scared away more than one potential suitor. Not that Ray felt any shame over it. Any slob who didn't have the sense to come to the door, who thought that he could just honk outside in his car, wasn't coming anywhere near his daughter. Of course, Sara Kowalski-Vecchio also had a reputation for having no qualms about using all of the self-defense moves that her cop fathers had taught her. That had been a fun parent-teacher night, hearing the story about the gym class dancing lessons. Kowalski had taught her to dance years ago, and they'd both taught her exactly what to do to any guy who got fresh.

 

"Come on in, Sean." Kowalski's tone was relaxed, but the If You Intend to Act On Any Inappropriate Plans With My Daughter You Will Walk With a Permanent and Pronounced Limp look was unmistakable.

 

The Awkward for Sean, Amusing for Us atmosphere was broken by the appearance of Sara, dressed elegantly in her prom dress, her blonde hair swept up, her blue eyes shining. "Hello Sean," she greeted her date.

 

Sean grinned. "You look beautiful Sara." He slipped the corsage over her wrist. She smiled at him and entwined her fingers in his for a moment, then glanced at Kowalski and Ray. "Just give me a second." She pulled her parents in for a hug. "Buy Dad, Dad. I'll call before I come home." Every time she went on a date, she hugged them before she left. She'd hugged them before going on sleepovers, too, when she was younger.

 

"Get the feeling she's trying to make us feel better?" Ray said, when Sara and a relieved Sean had left. He and Kowalski had both gone immediately to the front window, and watched as their daughter's date held the car door open for her.

 

"I can't believe she's sixteen," said Kowalski.

 

"Sweet sixteen," said Ray. The party had been last weekend. It had been great, friends and family and music and food, lots of loud conversation and dancing. Ray and Kowalski had almost been able to ignore the fact that their little girl really was growing up.

 

"She was always sweet."

 

They sighed lavishly and in unison as the car pulled out and down the street. Kowalski buried his face in his hands. "Vecchio, what am I going to do with her?"

 

Ray rubbed a hand over Kowalski's shoulders. "Not much left to do, Kowalski. You've done a great job."

 

Kowalski pulled his other hand away and grinned at Ray before pulling him into an embrace. "We've done a great job, Vecchio. I couldn't have done it without you."

 

Ray shut his eyes for a moment.

 

"God, life is weird, huh?" They broke apart and wandered to the couch. They'd planned an evening in together with some takeout and the game, but for now they just sat together. Ray linked his fingers with Kowalski's. "The way things turn out," Ray said vaguely. "I never would've guessed it."

 

"What, us two old codgers sitting at home on the couch while our sixteen-year-old daughter is out on the town? Yeah, me neither."

 

"We're real lucky."

 

"You got that right."


End file.
